Imperfect Me

Why is it one day I am so deeply dissatisfied with where I live and what my influence is on this place I cohabit with my fellow Londoners but the next am deeply moved by what someone is doing or the potential of an idea that someone shares with me? Is it because I am fickle? Is it because I don’t have a faith? Is it because I never see something through to its logical or illogical conclusion? Is it from lack of attention span? Or maybe it’s because I want things to change at a fundamental level be that education, civic engagement, art, or the care we take of one another, and I want to believe that is possible and I try and I believe but sometimes the more things “change” the more they stay the same.

I see that the stats about the failure of our education system and the sickening gap between the wealthiest and the poorest and friends I want to walk off and say  to hell with it all. I give up. I see the poverty of people where I work and live and the un-human way they are treated by the people who are supposed to help them and I want to say to hell with it all. I give up. I see the way we treat objects and things with the more worth and reverence that we treat each other, and yes i am guilty, and I want to say to hell with it all. I give up. I see people being elected to represent us but are representing money or ambition or their friends or themselves, and i want to say to hell with it all. I give up. I see no one letting someone else ahead of them in a line up and I want to say to hell with it.I GIVE UP.

A but then, and here’s the rub friend, but then I see a moment of such heart-rending beauty that I want to shout and point and say this is it. I will not give up. Or I see someone take someone else by the hand or offer a kind word and i want to shout and point and say this is it. i will not give up. Or I see a mother with her child in circumstance that are so cruelly bad but they still succeed and I want to shout this is it. I will not give up. Or I hear an idea, some idea, some simple perfect idea that is completely mad yet I want to believe and I shout this is it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

We are imperfect. We are cruel. We are destructive. But we have so much … potential…I have to believe. I have to believe we can make this a better …place…home..life. Because to not to is too painful. Too bleak. To…unrealized. it’s Imperfect

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